Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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