So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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