i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
