Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
