life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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