Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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