i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
