I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
