glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
