I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She bit a glass in half.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize