So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
