I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
