it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
