It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
