i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize