Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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