i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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