An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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