The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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