Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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