In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
