the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
