and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
