well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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