Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
