Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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