he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
