You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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