took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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