Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
