Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
