apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
