it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
