If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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