Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
