ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
