we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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