So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
