After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize