There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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