hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
