Sponge bath it is.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
