this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
