you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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