we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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