the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he puts the penis in happiness.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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