i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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