a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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