i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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