A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
