Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize