Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
