How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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