Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
