ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize