So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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