i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
