I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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