dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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