my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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