I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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