Kiss
Puke
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
