I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
