you didnt know i had herpes?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That accounts for only three of the penises
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
