I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
