If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
