A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
