who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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