Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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