I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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